Feel the feeling

Few days ago we heard a bad news that came from one of our bestfriend. He is a missionary. He comes from Indonesia and lives in Austria now as a Father in Catholic church. He lost his younger brother on Sunday and he heard the news just after he lead a mass. Unfortunately, he had another mass that day in just 30 minutes. That news broke his heart, he screamed and cried, but then he prayed, he asked God to give him strength that he needed the most so that he was able to lead another mass.

I really admire him for his faith and his strength. He knew his responsibility and he tried to be responsible with his call of life. Sadly, because of the distance, he wasn’t able to attend his younger brother’s funeral. It must be so hard for him to mourn alone while his family in his hometown gathered together and comforted each others. I thought that the most hardest part in facing the death of the people that we love is we are not able to be beside them at their last moment or even to attend their funeral. It must break his heart.

We tried to comfort him by giving some of beautiful words. As Catholics, we know that there is a life after death and we will meet the people who we love later in eternity, but death is still not an easy things to deal with. Our friend believe that God will give him strength to pass this mourning moment, and I believe it, too.

If we believe in God, He provides everything that we need and give it to us even before we ask for it. I remember also the time when my father was in comma, it was the bottom point of my life. We just talked by phone at the morning, but at 3 pm, I received a shocking news that he was in comma because of brain hemorrhage (bleeding). It´s like hearing thunder in a sunny day and suddenly it takes all of your strength.

Fortunately, i got a ticket to fly back to accompany my father during his comma, but it wasn´t easy at all. My heart was torn into pieces when i saw him laying on the bed with all of the cables to support his life. I cried a lot beside my father´s bed. As my friend did, i just can pray for the best. But God knows everything which the best for us is. I thought my father would pass away that day, but God knew that i wasn´t ready at all to bear it, so He gave me two more days to accompany my father.

After two days, i knew the time would come. But what is strange that day, i felt so peace that day, heavenly peace that indescribable. I just knew that he would leave us but we were ready for it that day. I knew that God helped us to prepare our heart and He hugged us that´s why i and my family felt heavenly peace that day. Finally, when my father passed away, we could say good bye with a smile in our face cause we knew that he suffered no more, he was healed in another way.

After funeral, of course we still felt sad and we missed his presence. The best way to overcome grief or another negative feelings are admitting the feeling, feeling it, and then letting it go. Just like what my friend did, he didn´t deny it or reject the grief, he just admitted the feeling and felt it. I think that is important. The more we reject or deny it, the more we suffer and it makes us unable to overcome or let the feeling go. Even more if we repress the feeling, it would lead to some mental health problems in the future.

I also remembered a Disney´s movie called Inside Out. The main character, Riley, had to move to another city because of his father job. She felt sad actually, but since it was stressful for the family, too, she just hid her feeling and tried to be a cheerful girl, just like the parents hoped for. Then, there was emotion disturbance because the feeling that need to be felt was being repressed. All she felt was a numb feeling, until she was able to feel the feeling and express it.

Feeling need to be felt, that´s why it is called feeling. Denial, rejection, repression of a feeling, especially the negative one, would only lead to mental illness. Sometimes we need a help to be aware of our own feeling, it´s okay, that´s why we live in a society, don´t we? We can search a community that could help us to deal with or even to  overcome the feeling, but what important is let the feeling express itself. For me, what also important is praying, ask for God´s help to overcome the feeling. Praying also helps me to feel the feeling that need to be felt. Sometimes it comes out through crying, or even screaming in the silence. Praying gives me peace and strength. It makes my mind becomes clear also, so i can think better about what i should do. After feeling it, i feel more ready to let it go and then move on.

I hope that this blog, could help others also to be aware of your own feeling.

God Bless You all.

candlelight candles
Photo by Irina Anastasiu on Pexels.com

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