Hello Self! I Trust you!

Hello everyone! I hope all of you in a good condition. I just want to share a bit of my life experiences. It started in January last year actually, i submitted an application to convert my Indonesian driving license to Austrian. I didn’t have to do the theory test but i should do the practice test. I also had to take at least 4 hours of driving course. At the first time, i thought it wouldn’t be so hard, cause i have already driven a car since i was 19 years old. I thought that i already have a lot of experiences and the traffic in my hometown were a lot more crowded and chaotic than in Austria, but it was a really wrong thought.

At my first driving course (at the first of February 2020) my driving instructor was so upset because i didn‘t know the basic theory! Actually i already read the theory from a book, but i didn’t understand a lot of the theories, cause the language was so difficult. He said that my driving skill was so poor. If he could give a score from 1 to 5 (1 is the worst and 5 is the best), he would give me 1. He said a lot of things that were not nice to hear, as if i was so stupid and had no driving experiences at all. I was so shocked and i cried after the course. I was so disappointed when i heard about his feedbacks of my driving skill. Start from that moment, i lost all of my confidence to drive a car. I began to feel afraid to drive. I started to lose all of my confidence in driving.

After that, i didn’t want to have him as my instructor. I changed the instructor with the other nice woman who was more patient . I did improve after several hours of driving course with the new instructor. Unfortunately, the Corona virus began to spread widely in Austria so the Austrian government decided to lock down, so i couldn’t take driving course for several months. After the lockdown policy was over, the summer holiday came, so i decided to postpone my driving course. I did it again in November 2020. I made some improvements and my instructor said that i was ready to do the practice test at the end of November. I was so happy that time, since i already spent a lot of money to do the driving course, but unfortunately came another lockdown so the test was postponed till mid of December.

At mid of December, i was called by the driving school. They told me that i would have a test just a week later. I was not ready at all, since i predicted that i would have the test in January, but after some discussion with my husband, i decided to do the test because we couldn’t predict another lockdown. I was so afraid and unprepared. One day before the test, i had my last driving course and it was a disaster. I did a lot of mistakes and it made my driving instructor upset. She said that i wouldn’t make it if i kept doing those mistakes at the test day, but she didn’t want to make me down, so she said i should better be prepared. I was so afraid and i cried. I felt that i was so useless. I already practiced a lot but why couldn’t i drive better?

So the night before the driving test, i learned a lot and prayed also. Unluckily i didn’t passed my first driving test, just like my driving instructor said the day before. I did a lot of mistakes even though i drove better than my last driving course. I was so disappointed and upset with my self, but i tried to learn from my mistake and encourage my self to take another test at the other month. Unfortunately, then came another lockdown, so it was postponed again.

At the first of February 2021, i booked another driving course, but i got my schedule in mid of March. After three months not driving, i started to feel insecure again and i didn’t improve. I kept making serious mistakes, so the instructor told me to postponed my second test (it should be at the end of March 2021). She told me to have more practice and took another hours to be more prepared, so i did it. I booked another 4 hours of driving course and rescheduled my second driving test to 16th April. At 9th April, i had another driving course, but i kept making serious mistakes. The instructor was so upset and she told me that she was being so skeptical about my second test. She told me to postpone the test and had more practice. I asked her about my improvement, but she said that i wasn’t getting better at that moment. I felt so down and desperate at that time, because i already spent a lot of money, i already took a lot of driving hours (4 times more than the obligation), but i wasn’t getting better. I really felt so insecure and stress. I started to ask myself, why was i so stupid so that i couldn’t even improve even a little bit! So i was so frustrated and i cried a lot. I doubted myself if i could pass the test. But i didn’t want to give up since i wanted to be a good role model for my children. I want to show them that success doesn’t come easily, it needs hard work and persistency. If i gave up easily, they could do the same in the future! At that time, i just prayed and surrendered to God. When we couldn’t count on our strength, just counted to God’s power, as He is bigger than our problem. When i prayed, i heard soft voices in my heart that told me to calm down and trust myself. I also received a lot of encouraging words from my family and friends.

After that i felt peace and better, then i started to think what i could do to make things better. So i learned a lot about the theory of driving in Austria, i even took the online test theory (100 times!!), and also prayed a lot. The more i understood about the theory, the better i felt. The insecurity disappeared and i started to trust myself. Then i decided not to change anything with my previous schedule, since the problem was in myself. Doing more driving courses wouldn’t change anything if i kept feeling insecure. So on the 15th April, i did another driving course and i applied the knowledge that i’ve learnt. I asked God also to give me wisdom and peace when i drive. My teacher was so happy and she told me that she had a good prognosis for me. I felt more confidence. Then i realize, what seemed impossible for me, wasn’t impossible for God.

On 16th April i did the second test. I was nervous for sure. The driving test was divided into three parts. At the first part, the examiner would ask some basic knowledge about the car, such as the car’s liquid that can be controlled by ourselves, the tire, etc. The examiner asked something that i didn’t know the answer so i became more nervous, but i told myself not to be panicked and kept concentrating. I kept telling myself that i already worked hard for this and i could make it! I prayed and asked for God’s guidance before i started to drive. Just did my best and i let God did the rest. The second part was parking test. Thanks God i parked my car smoothly. Then came the third part which i should drive at the real street and highway. This is the hardest part for me since i have to know all of the rules so that i can drive safely, and the rules are soooooo many! I just took a deep breath and prayed before i left the parking lot. While i was driving, i tried to remember all of the rules and the suggestion that had been given by my instructor, then i applied it. I gave my best and luckily i passed my second test with only few feedbacks !!!! Praise the Lord!!

Maybe some of us kept failing or aren’t getting better although we already tried hard. If that happens, we need to take one step backward to reflect on ourselves. Perhaps it’s because we have insecurities in ourselves. Perhaps we don’t trust ourselves that we can made it. Perhaps our problem is lacking of knowledge, so we have to learn more, search more information, read more books. Or perhaps it’s because less of efforts, so we should work harder. By stepping back, and take a distance from our emotion, we can see things more clearly and find the real problem.

After that, we can move forward to solve it, but first of all…..we have to trust ourselves. Trust that ourselves can do it! If we don’t trust ourselves, then we don’t have hope. It means that we have nothing to fight for. We have to give ourselves chances to improve by learning from mistakes, by learning from experience. Improvement doesn’t come in one night. It need processes. Just give ourselves chances and times. Yes, we need to be patient sometimes and we will see our improvement. After that, we surrender everything to God, as He is bigger than each of our problem. He can do anything in our life if we let Him. He can turn anything which is seemed impossible to possible.

At the end of the day…i thank God for His guidance and hugged myself. I told myself that she did her best today. All of the efforts have been paid today. I feel so great today not only because i passed my driving test, but also because i learn to fight my insecurity by trusting myself. I feel so blessed!

Have a blessed day everyone! God bless us all!

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