Actually today I feel a bit sad by hearing a divorce news from the one who I admire. He is a politician in my country, a clean and so dedicated one. A lot of people, include me, think that he is actually a hero in our country nowadays, He fought a lot for his people, but unluckily the destiny is a bit cruel to him. He is being prisoned for the things that he didn´t do, such as blasphemy the other religion.
Some of my friends decided not to believe his divorce news because he is such a Man of God who will do exactly what the bible says and we all know that divorce is not allowed for people who called their selves as Catholic or Christian. Some of my friends believe that divorce is a wrong things, is a mistake to be done. I have to say that I don´t agree with this things. Instead of he is a Man of God or not, instead of divorce is allowed or not i believe that everyone has heart and mind and they should use it to make a decision in their life and divorce is one of it.
Honestly, in my opinion, I see divorce more as a decision not a mistake or even scandal. This decision should be a tough one to be made because it leads to so many hard consequences to be faced. So when the word divorce is existed in a marriage, that means there must be something behind the marriage that haven´worked well or couldn´t be saved anymore.
First of all, let us talk about the marriage itself, Why do people get married? Most of us will say that because we love our life partner and we want to spend our lives with them. Or some people get married to have sex. Some countries especially eastern countries will not allowed couple to do sex before they are married, so in order to make it legally, they just get married. Or some people get married because it is the trending topic among their squads, so being single is not cool anymore. Or some people just get married to have a better life because their partners are a rich or powerful person. What ever it is, people have their own reasons to be involved in marriage.
As i am not an expert in marriage, I just want to share my own experience. I do ever feel that i have to be married because it is such a cultural force in my country. When you are adult, marriage is such a must, in order to be looked as a normal and happy person. So when most of my friend get married in young age (below 25 years old), i also feel in a rush that i should be married. I even asked my boyfriend when would us get married and it was so annoying for him. We fought a lot because of it. After it, because i love him so much and I didn´t want to break our relationship, i stopped to ask for it.
And now, after I experience this word marriage, i would like to share my thought about it. For me, marriage is such a cooperation that should be maintain by two people who decided not to be selfish anymore. If you are still thinking that yourself is the number one priority in your life, then I suggest you to enjoy your single time as much as you can. After we enjoy it a lot and being happy with our lives, we will come to the phase of life that we would like to invite another person to join our happy life, I find that the right reason to ask someone to marry us is.
A marriage is not always like a happy ending story in most of those princesses and princes fairy tales. There will be happiness, but there are also a lot of moments when we think that we are in a battle field. We shout a lot to each other to express our anger, or even worse, we just don´t talk to each other just like a silent war. When we have children, the happy photo that advertisement like to share in social media or TV, could be just a dream. There would be a lot of hardship. I won´t say that children only bring hardship, of course they bring happiness and joy, but sometimes children could be a monster who test our limit whole day. Actually it is a good practice to control our emotions.
Most people who think that they will be happy if they are married and have a children, are not wrong. But we should realize also that our spouse and children are not our happiness ATM. We shouldn´t always expect that they will give us happiness or they will do what we want because they are also human that have their own mind and feeling. They don´t have any obligation to give happiness to us, we are the one who should find it. And here comes the first rules, we love them so we want to make them happy, not the opposite, so it´s not about us anymore, it´s about people we love.
And this rules leads to the words tolerance, respecting, understanding, forgiving, loyalty, sacrifices, and lowering our ego.
- Respecting and tolerance sometimes couldn´t be separated. Our spouse is not ourselves. We married them because they are different than us, so we should not expect that they should think or do something the way we do. When we respect our spouse thoughts, opinions, believes, or even their ways of life which are different than us, we would give them space and not force them to do or think like us, so the word understanding and tolerance will come after it.
- Forgiving is the most important words for me in marriage. We are not perfect and nobody is perfect. Everyone makes a mistake, even our selves. Sometimes mistakes are needed in order to learn to be a better person. We are only humans who are not always in good condition both physically and mentally. Sometimes we also lose our mind or we lose our temper and forgot that we could hurt someone by our words or action. If this forgiving word doesn´t exist in a marriage, it will just be a disaster in the family.
- Loyalty is a must for me in a marriage. If someone break it, there will be so hard to fix it or even no way to fix it, except you can forgive and move on with it.
- Sacrifices will come naturally when you love someone. In marriage, it´s not about you or me anymore, it´s about us and it needs sacrifices to achieve it. Sometimes we have to move to other countries to be with the one we love, we leave everything behind and start a new life as us. Sometimes we have to stop doing the things we like to see our spouse smile. Sometimes we also need to sacrifice our time to hear their sharing. These sacrifices won´t make us suffer or we won´t even regret it because we do it on our own will. We know that we will bring happiness by doing it.
- Lowering our ego. It´s true not to sweat on small things. Sometimes we are right, but we don’t have to always show it or force it. If we do it, we just let our ego win, but we could hurt our spouse, so at the end, we win nothing at all.
When the two people who are involved in the marriage realize these things and cooperate to do those things to each others, I believe they will keep their marriage for the rest of their lives. But when one of them break one of it and decided not being cooperated anymore, the ending will be divorce. So I always suggest my friends who are not married yet, to enjoy their single moments as much as they can so they are happy with their selves. When they enter the world of marriage, they are know what the consequences will be and they are really ready to do it.
You have summarised lovely points to keep a marriage intact. Great post
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Thank you so much, i am so glad to hear it
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