Hello everyone! It’s been a very long time since my last post. It’s been a tough year to be passed for me, but everything will be good from now on. That’s why i would like to share a bit of my story.

Last year my life was like riding a jet coaster. Life would never be the same again after i heard that my mother, the only parent who i have now, was having lung cancer and the cancer cells had spread to her back bone and other bones at her leg. It really broke my heart. Everyday was like hell, i was scared and haunted because the doctors said that her time was near and there was no cure for her sickness since it was terminal illness and final stage. We were so shocked to her that news, since my mom was so strong, active, and healthy. She never smoked or drink alcohol, how could she get this illness?

I cried everyday because i was so scared to lose her. I and my mom are so close, we communicate everyday although we live far away from each other. She always supports my decision and be there whenever i need someone by my side. The diagnosis was really like the end of the world for me. Everything seemed so dark and hopeless. I asked for another doctor’s opinion and every doctors always said the same, that she would not be healed and the treatment that she received, would be a palliative treatment, which concentrated to reduce the pain and extend her life. That was the time that i realized how weak human beings are, no matter how strong, powerful or rich you are, in the front of terminal illness, our life is just like a dust that could be gone only with a soft blow.

I haven’t felt so afraid like that before, i could not eat or sleep well. Every day was hard to pass because i was so scared to hear the news that she could pass away anytime and i am not ready to lose her. At some point, one night, when my husband and children were already asleep, i cried a lot and i was so angry to God. I asked Him why this thing happened to our family, i just have my mom now, but why would He take her away? But at the end i surrendered in my pray. I just talked to God in silence how i was so afraid and so sad because i lived far away from her and i couldn’t take care of her or even be by her side. What i could do were just called her everyday, prayed with her, and asked my friends who are doctors for the information that we need about this illness. I felt so bad too to my brother since he had to take care of my mother alone. We were so clueless, we didn’t even know what to do and what kind of treatment that my mom should receive, or even which doctors should we visit.

I just prayed to God to help my brother taking care of my mother and make a way so that i could fly back to see my mom. If i may ask for more, i begged Him to give my mom several years more, so that i can make her more happy before she leaves for good. Suddenly i heard a calming voice deep in my heart that said “calm down! I already defeated death, what are you afraid of? Just trust and laid down on me.” I felt so calm and peaceful directly and i realized that i have a mighty God, what should i afraid of? Nothing! Even if what i can do was just pray, but if you believe, a prayer also has a mighty power. I was so thankful too, because my mom has a lot of positive spirit and she was eager to defeat her illness. She also has a deep faith in God. For me that was the most important thing to have in her condition…..a spirit to live and not give up.

Although those days were so gloomy, but God always made a way for us. He provided all of the things even the small things that we needed, after we surrendered all of our problems in His hands. He guided us so that we could get a contact to several good doctors from my husband relatives, who took care my mom nicely. He made a way so that my mom could received a medication which had less side effects and better prognoses rather than traditional chemotherapy. We could even get financial support to buy this expensive medicine, because this medicine is so expensive in my home country and we have to pay by ourselves, the government health insurance doesn’t cover it. Even though we walked slowly step by step, but we could feel His guidance, love and protection.

My mom is still fighting her cancer till now, but her condition is getting better day by day. Last year, she could not even move from her bed and only laid on it. She had to take morphine to reduce her pain, she was so weak and helpless and it really broke my heart, because she was so active and lively before her illness. But now, by God’s grace, her health’s progress improves a lot. After radiotherapy and taking daily medicine, at least she doesn’t feel a lot of pain like last year, she can move by herself, she is more active and lively again. From the last medical check up, her cancer cells was getting smaller (half size than last year). I can’t thank more for what God has given to us. This is a miracle for us.

I don’t know how long will my mom survive, but what i know is that she already live her life to the fullest. She didn’t let her illness bring her down, she didn’t also worry about what will happen tomorrow. She enjoys her life day by day and surrenders to God. That was i called faith and i believe her faith will save her life. Miracle does exist if we believe.

I do learn a lot. What i learn from this unexpected experience are we, as human beings, can’t control our future. We don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. We can choose whether we will surround our lives with anxiety for something that we can’t control, or we enjoy our present live and be grateful of what we have. For something that had been passed, may make us regret of it. But we can’t change it, what we can do, is focusing on what we can do to fix it or at least make things better. Rather than focusing on what has lost or the things that we don’t have, why don’t we be grateful of what we have, enjoy our moment with our beloved one and do things that we have to do while we still have time for it. Let us do our best for today and if you believe in God, just let He do His part. You will see how amazing His works will be in your life. He never fails to help us, we already experienced His blessings even in our darkest days, as long as we surrender to Him and let Him guide our way.

For those who believe, this Easter time may remind us that Jesus has defeated the death and risen. It means that nothing in this world even death that can’t be conquered by Him. When we let Him take over for our problem, He will give us everything that we need, but sometimes it won’t come easily and we need a lot of effort to reach the problem solving. He just as far as our pray. When we pray and share our problem with Him, first of all we will receive peace and strength that we need to face the problem, than we will see the things clearly than before, sometimes we come to answer of our problem by ourselves or sometimes other people offer their help, but for sure we won’t be left alone and hopeless. At the end….i just want to say….there is another power that is greater than anything in this world offers. We don’t need to lean on ourselves only, cause that mighty power is only as far as pray (whatever your religion is) and He waits for us to come.

God has risen, Happy Easter everyone! God bless us all! Have a blessed day!


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